"Pure"
This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty thats to be found
And life all around
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above, my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where i want to go, the rest will follow
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that i fall down
The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
My soul is at ease and i am free
My soul is at ease and i am free
This is my day, my soul is at ease and i am free
(and i am free, and i am free)
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
Alright girls... Today is a new day for me. I am going to be brave and try to recover. I have the support, I just need to get my butt in gear. The part of me that wants to get better and be healthy and normal and have friends and not feel fat all of the time, the part of us that we smother because we don't trust it, got a swift kick in the butt today. Someone said that I was brave. That I was corageous, one of the most courageous people they knew (it was my nutritionist... so she knows lots of anorexics) and I thought, for once, maybe I am. I mean, I WANT TO BE THIN. I think I am fat and I hate every thing about me. BUT what if there is more inside of me than I see. I mean, I want FRIENDS!! I want a boyfriend... I want a life!! I want to be normal, and I don't believe that I am truly obese. I am actually underweight -- but not emaciated. But that's okay, too.
I don't know how long my courage will last... my will to heal. I've tried it before and I failed. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am ok. Even when I do eat, I only gain like four lbs and still remain exactly at the "low" weight for my body size (98 - 100lbs). That's not so bad, right?
Again, I don't know. Just wish me luck and keep me in your prayers. I want something more... this cage is killing me and today I don't want to die. Today, I don't want to obsess. Today I want to be happy... and free... and loved!!
xxoo
Libby